The Direction We Run

They say that everyone is either running to something or away from something. Though there have been times when I thought I was running in circles, I would definitely agree with that. The one thing I would add, however, is that the direction can, and often does, change.

Four years ago when I began running, I was definitely running towards something. I had a goal. I wanted to finish one half-marathon. That's it. Sure, I had said (out loud, even) that I wanted to run a full marathon, but even I didn't believe me when I said it. At that time, it just sounded good when others said it so I tried the line out a few times, myself. I honestly wasn't sure if I could run 13.1 miles, but I stayed focused and ran towards that goal.

After finishing my half, I was hooked and almost immediately decided to sign up for the prestigious Chicago Marathon. Just like the typical lead character in a chick flick, when the guy I was dating took a wrong turn in life, I thought I could fix it all...and consequently, I forgot about my plans. I quit running. I wasn't running towards or away from something; I was standing still.

Spolier alert. It didn't work out with that guy. Once on my own, I was mad I gave up my dream. I decided to sign up for another marathon. This time, I started a new trend and theory I've kept up to this day. If I was going to run 26.2 LONG miles, I was also going to get a vacation out of it. (Side note: Just because you are out of town doesn't make the pain of running 26.2 go away!) I had no one to go with me, but I signed up for the Rock n' Roll San Diego Marathon and booked a flight. Though it looked like I might be running towards something, I was definitely running from the pain of the recent past.

Not long into the training, I ended up making a friend, Jackie, who was also running the San Diego Marathon. She and I conversed a lot about our training and races. Jackie was going to run seven Rock n' Roll races that year. She talked to me about "Bling". At the time, I had no idea what she was talking about. Once I learned about the Rock n' Roll race bling,  I did something completely irresponsible (at least that's what my dad would say) and spur of the moment. I took my tax return check, signed up for six more races and booked flights to each of the race locations. Now, I had something to look forward to all year! Somewhere during that year, I switched gears and was no longer running from something, but running towards something. I ran that year for the coveted top Bling medal: Rock Legend.

 The year 2010 was more a year of running in circles. Injuries prevailed and I didn't know what I running towards or away from. I'm still not sure I know the answer to that one. This year, I am hopeful that I can stay focused on running towards my goal. I want to run better than I did in San Diego. As much as I want to stay focused on that goal, stressful events have been creeping into my life and I definitely think I've had some days of training this year that can be marketed as running away.

Running towards something or away from something? My conclusion is it doesn't matter as long as you are putting one foot in front of the other.

Rise and Shine

My body seems to have awoken. On Saturday, at the Polar Bear 5 Mile Race, I felt great when I left. I felt like I had an ounce of hope because I ran at my formally normal pace. Even though I was proud of myself, I knew that my run had a lot to do with a friend pacing me. I wasn't sure if I could continue that on my own.

At tonight's group run, I learned that I could keep the pace going on my own. My friend Drew and I always start at the back of our pace group. Our goal is for the next pace group to not pass us. That's it. However, about 2 miles into the run, we realized we were right in the middle of the pack. Drew even commented how he could tell my pace had improved since the previous week. It's amazing what one week can do. Sometimes everything just falls into place. I would like to thank my body for waking up!

Medals, Highs, and Friendships

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I don't actually like running. I like three things that result from running: medals, runner's highs, and new friendships. I'd say I like the health benefits, too, but since I started running, I've gained weight and have spent plenty of money on sports medicine doctors, physical therapy, x-rays, and chiropractors. Yep, definitely scratching that from the list of things I like.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my finisher's medals. One friend even nicknamed me "Medal Goddess". My finisher's medals are displayed proudly in my house. I show them to anyone who will let me. I never tire explaining which race I ran to get this medal or that medal or why a certain medal is my favorite. My racing medals are the most important items I own. I know that sounds silly knowing that they probably only cost a few dollars and everyone who finishes gets one, but they truly mean the world to me. They prove to me every time I look at them that I accomplished something that I thought could never happen. (And, in the event that my house ever catches on fire, I plan on getting the dog and then the medals on the way out! That's how much these medals mean to me.)

Before I ever earned a medal, the mystifying runner's high is what hooked me. I only planned on doing one half-marathon in my life. After that, my plan was to go back to swimming, spinning, and classes at the gym. Then, it happened. The runner's high took a hold of me and wouldn't let go. Every run longer than seven miles gave me a runner's high that first year. I couldn't wait to get on the road! The second year in my running life, I decided to do a full marathon. Longer miles meant more runner's highs for me. Running was easy. What did I do with that great feeling? I decided to sign up for five more races that year. And, then I learned about the devilish runner's high the hard way. The more my body became used to running, the fewer times I experienced that magnificent high. Today, in my running life, that marvelous high is nothing more than a memory. Though elusive, I continue to chase after it determined to find it again.

The final reason I continue to run is the friendships that are formed on the road. Almost all of my close friends are runners. There is something unexplainable about the bonds that can be formed during training and racing. Simply put, running with someone just makes running more enjoyable. Though running may not always be easy, I couldn't imagine not seeing my running friends at weekly runs, training programs, and races.

Cheating on Running

The weather reached 62 degrees today. The smell of spring was in the air. It was a perfect day for a run. So, what did I do? I went to get a mani/pedi.

Sorry, boys, you are about to hear a little bit about the wonderful world of manicures and pedicures. I promise it circles back to running. My normal nail salon was closed forcing me to go somewhere else. Being a creature of habit, this did not make me very happy! A few blocks aways I found a new salon and settled into my relaxing spa services. While having a back massage and getting a pedicure, I thought about running.

First, I thought about off days. Not the ones that are scheduled into your training calendar, but the ones where you cheat on your training program. That's right, I said CHEAT on your running. Being that creature of habit and thinking of myself as a more knowledgeable runner, I have forgotten what I learned when I first started running. I have forgotten that I need to listen to my body. No, I'm not injured or hurting, but I'm exhausted. Having a very busy schedule, I rush from place to place nonstop. (To make my point, once I left home for work yesterday at 6:30 a.m., I didn't see my house again until 10:30 p.m.!) I check my email on my phone because that's when I can make the time. I eat a lot of meals in the car. You get the point; I'm a busy girl!

When do I take time for myself? Anymore the answer is never. Training is more than, well, training. It's about taking care of yourself which is something I lost sight of. It's hard to have good runs when you are worn down. It's also hard to have good runs when you don't have anything to look forward to. For me, today, it was a manicure and pedicure. All day, I thought about how relaxing it was going to be to have that overdue mani/pedi that I used to do every month. It could be anything on any given day. The point is to continue to run well, I now remember that I have to have more than running in my life.

 While at the salon, I also remembered that I am a four-day a week runner. No more. Hal Hidgon is the only program I've ever followed. I've looked at others, but the Hal Higdon Novice 1 program is the one that has always worked for me. This being my fourth year running and wanting to score a faster time, I decided, after much searching, to look for a new program. I chose Runner's World (which is a five day a week program). It's a great program, but I forgot something important. A program in a magazine is a great guideline, but individuals are involved and there needs to be differentiation. I know myself better than anyone. I know that I shouldn't run more than four days a week or my legs start to drag. I know that more cross-training is better for me than more running. However, I'm a rule follower and my new program said five days. I followed the rules. By doing this, I started to wear down early in my training. Lucky for me, however, I had an epiphany at the nail salon and can now fix this!

What's all this mean? Tomorrow, I will run. More importantly, I will be sporting pretty red nails while doing it. And, I am okay with cheating on my program to take a day for me.

Feeling Like a Failure

Two days ago I felt like everything was looking up. Today, I feel like a failure. I'm not really sure why I work so hard at something only to feel so discouraged so often. I know that I am not a good runner. In fact, I know I never will be. But, that's what draws me to running. You don't have to be good to feel like you won the biggest race of your life; you just have to show improvement for you. That's why running is the perfect sport for the elite athlete, the mediocre runner, and the down-right not so good jogger. It doesn't matter who you are; everyone can improve. Except me. Apparently.

Today was the annual 500 Festival training series 5K. My PR: 28:34. My time last year while injured: 28:45. My time today: 29:52. Not injured now, remember? If I want to feel even worse, I can reminisce about the first race I ever ran with no real "training". Even that 5K, with walking, was 31:08. Today barely skated in under that time. All I want is to get better.

 Looking back at my PR, I know to most people that isn't a good time, but to me, it means the world. I remember the feeling I had that day. I felt on top of the world. I felt like an athlete again. It was a feeling I hadn't had since my NCAA Division I diving days at the University of Louisville. Yes, an athlete is what I want to feel like again.

Talking to some of my running friends prior to the start, I said I would cry if I didn't get a PR; that I NEEDED a PR to feel like I'm on the right road. I was joking, of course. Seriously, just joking. Then, I crossed the finish line. I walked over to where my friends were at and sat down. Tears began to pour out of me. (Not before getting my cookie, though. Cookies before tears.) Embarrassing! Thirty-three years old and crying over a race. It sounds terrible, but terrible is exactly how I felt. I wanted to quit running. Forever.

I'm still not sure why I do this to myself, but by the time I left, I had a new game plan. A few things need to fall in place for this game plan to work, but I'm hoping everything works out.

Goodbye Doctor

While leaving the sports medicine doctor today,I felt a sense of relief and happiness. It has been a long time since I left the doctor feeling healed. It's an amazing feeling. It appears that everything is beginning to fall in place. Runs are getting easier. (Easier, not easy!) The chiropractor has me down to once a month and the sports med doc doesn't want to see me again unless I have a new problem. Such relief!

As I was getting in my car, I reflected on 2010: the year of injuries. Really 2010's injuries are the fault of 2009: the year of the marathon. Three full marathons and five half marathons. Of course, that was only my second year running, too. Probably not smart, but what a fun year it was!

Back to 2010. The year of injuries could also be called the year of tears. Your choice. I started off the year by taking six weeks off to let my body relax. I thought that was smart of me. It wasn't enough, though. Run after run, I quit in the middle. I couldn't keep up with my pace group. I would walk back to the start not completing the mileage. The pain was unbearable. My hips hurt, my foot hurt, and my piriformis syndrome was killing me. By mid March, I finally gave in and went to the doctor. Orthotics. I thought that would fix me. I had hope. I trained on.

 My foot began to feel better, but not good. I continued to show up to runs, but no improvement in my performance. That reminds me that I have another name for 2010: the year of zero PR's. I finished the mini-marathon in 2:08, six minutes slower than my PR. Considering how I had trained, that was nothing short of a miracle. However, it still didn't feel good because I didn't feel good. Pain was everywhere and I had another race in two weeks. Still, I thought I could get a PR. It was like I had a second chance.

Race day came. How I wanted a PR. I really wanted to show myself I was improving and that my hard work was paying off even with everything I had been through. Race day ended. 2:17. That was the worst time I had ever had. With some coaxing from fellow runners that day, I decided to try physical therapy. I ended up spending the summer in physical therapy. It helped, no doubt. It even made me feel good. But, I had an October race and I knew I would barely have time to prepare for it. So when I made it to race day, there was definitely no PR there. I was happy to be back, yet still discouraged because I didn't know if I would ever improve. In fact, I had a lot of my old pains right after finishing the race. I was sure they would go away if I took it easy. Not true, though.

December came and I was back in the sports medicine doctor's office again. This time, I got a cortisone shot and waited. I also decided to go to the chiropractor. Having already signed up for Grandma's Marathon, about this time is also when I decided that it would be my last marathon. I knew I couldn't keep going through this year after year. 2010 was the year of injuries and tears.

So, walking out of the sports med office today, I felt great. I am actually looking forward to 2011. No more doctor visits, no more bad runs day after day. 2011 is an exciting year.

Formerly Fabulous

Remember that post about how much I loved my mom's treadmill? Well, I broke it today. Really. I decided to stop by for a run since the Groundhog 7 was canceled today due to the snow. I was having a good, consistent run and then at mile 1.5, I heard BSHZZZ. It didn't stop, either. And, then my new BFF tripped me. How rude!

My dad came in and "fixed" the formerly fabulous machine. I made it another mile with only mild tripping. No more funny noises, though. However, towards the end of that run, I could barely maintain a pace without tripping which meant I had no option but to head outside. Lucky for me, I had my Yaktrax in the car. Unlucky for me, I had on a pair of compression shorts and a t-shirt. Lucky for me, I had an extra jacket in the car and gloves in my coat pocket. Unlucky for me, I didn't have my Garmin with me. I knew I had to get out there, though. I couldn't stop and drive home and truly believe that I would finish my seven miles. Out the door I went.

Let me first say that I am a big baby when it comes to cold weather. BIG BABY. Yet, there I was with compression shorts on in 30 degree weather running on snowy streets. I was SO certain that all of the people I passed shoveling their driveways would say something to me. You know, like, "Be Careful," or "Aren't You Cold?" I was ready to show off my amazing Yaktrax or pretend that I was a warrior who enjoyed running in shorts in the cold. That never happened, though. I guess I'm not as important as I think I am because the only thing that happened was I received a few weird looks!

Snowed In

One good thing about this snowstorm: I found my mom's treadmill and used my Yaktrax for the first time. I'm in love with both. I think the snow storm brought back my desire to run as well as the belief that I can get faster.

I've never, ever had a problem with my treadmill. In fact, I thought I liked it. But, then, I discovered my mom's treadmill. On my treadmill, I run 1:30 slower than outside. I always thought it was a treadmill thing. Nope. Just a my treadmill thing. On my mom's ProForm ZT5 treadmill, everything was different. I not only ran my 10:30 training pace, but I was able to keep that pace throughout an entire run which I haven't been able to do outside. In fact, I was even able to go a 10:00 pace towards the end and then even under 9:00 for a few tenths of a mile at the very end of the run. If I had my very own ProForm ZT5, I think I could really work on my speed. Have I mentioned how much I love that treadmill? Funny thing is, it is just a middle of the road treadmill; it's not a high end one, but I truly looked forward to running on it this morning after my first encounter with it yesterday. My running addiction might quickly come back if I could run on that treadmill everyday! My knees and feet felt like I was running on cotton. Ahhhh! And, of course, the speed. Did I mention that I could actually keep a pace on this amazing treadmill? Over are the days of referring to a treadmill as a dreamill!

My second new love discovery: Yaktrax. I was pre-warned how great they were, but really, I had no idea HOW truly amazing they are. Love them! I picked the worst icestorm in 20 years to try them out in and they proved to be a success. So, I only ran to the mailbox, but I could run on pure ice. PURE ICE. Beyond amazing. And, then, when a dog broke loose from his owner's house (that's another story), I was able to throw on the Yaktrax, go outside,catch the dog, walk door to door, and track down the owner without any problem. No way would I have been able to do that without the Yaktrax. So, the way I see it my Yaktrax saved a dog's life. :)

Overall, the snowstorm may not be good for the city, but it has helped me rediscover my love of running...and treadmills...and Yaktrax!